Crossing Off The Days

APRIL 25TH.

I am very excited for graduation day! I needed an offical count down. I am such a count down girl. I LOVE crossing off days on my calendar! So, this is the count down to the BIG DAY!! YEAY for me and all my hard work!! The truth: I am so thrilled for graduation because it mean completion!! However, I am a little scared for new baby because that means a new beginning (and the whole pain thing is starting to worry me).

Me and God

I love the song "Me and God" by Josh Turner.

I have listened to it over and over the past couple of days.

I absolutely love it and I love Josh Turner.

One day I want to get his album.

If you haven't noticed already I LOVE country. I mean, I LOVE OLD country, bluegrass, and gospel country! I just do!!

My grandpa taught me at age 8 there were only 2 kinds of music Country and Western and it kind of stuck with me.

 I drove my daddy crazy and now I drive Adam crazy.

Negative 8 week year old

PHYSICALLY-
Blood Pressure is normal!
Heart Beat sound GREAT!
His bum is at the top and he's heading south!
I should only gain 5 more lbs.
Otherwise, my wieght is great!
I am energetic and active.
My feet look a little swollen today (I can tell because my ankles disappeared).
I wanted to have this baby already but after doing some reading on early babies and premies, I have decided it is best to let him be healthy and ready. The way my doctor put it we like our steaks medium or medium well but baby boys are much better if when they are well done. Therefore, he needs to cook a little longer. He said, "If your baby is only 5 days late he'll be born in May. I reassured him my baby is coming early!" He said, "that's what the lady next door said". I have a 1 out of 5 chance! But like I said, I'll be ok until he's well done!!

MENTALLY/EMOTIONALLY-
I feel guilty, like I have done something wrong or wronged someone.
I feel bossy and unorganized.
I feel uncared about, but selfish because I feel that way.
I feel drained and sick of yelling.
My mind feels full and empty at the same time.
I am worried and I know worrying just wastes time but I don't know what I am worried about.
I feel annoying and bothersome.
I feel incomplete and unhelpful
I feel late and off-task.
I feel UNPREPARED and INCOMPLETE.
I feel wide awake and exhausted....

Weighing me down

I can't sit, I can't stand, I can't sleep.

Honestly, In one night I feel like I have gained 50 pounds. I am in so much pain. I feel like my whole body is breaking down. The baby is very strong and I get random stabs of pain in wierd places. I know I have 60 days left but if this is just suppose to get worse I don't know how much longer I can take. I feel so heavy, I am even starting to waddle. Hopefully, he will find a comfortable postion that we can both agree on! Help!! I need to get rid of the discomfort. Can I get an epidural now??
Battery Dilema: We don't have any. That is why I haven't taken enough pictures. I look so darn cute some weekdays when I go to school I just haven't had batteries. I asked Adam to get some for the camera. He kind of complained and said he wasn't buying them if my camera sucks them up too fast. I told him to get the rechargable ones. Later on in the day I took the batteries out of the TV remote. He said, " If those die, I'll be at the gas station in 4 minutes to get more". JERK!!!!
Don't let the baby blues fool you! He's pure evil.

"L" is for the way you look at me...

I love my husband and he loves me. He works so hard to make me happy! Everyday he is always so excited to see me and he can't wait to hold me or talk to me. I am really blessed. I have decided that I have been going at this being poor thing all wrong. I can't want everything RIGHT NOW! Getting there is half the fun and these will truly be the best days!

Spoiled Rotten

As a teen I was often told that I was a spoiled brat. This made me so angry! To me, I was normal!! I had nice things and I worked hard to earn things from my parents. I was a good kid and got rewarded like any one else. HOWEVER, when I got married I realized their opinions were correct. I am spoiled and marriage has really made things difficult. I haven't bought myself a single new thing. I haven't even had the desire. I know we need to be frugal so I don't worry about things I need (except for an occasional eyebrow wax). Any how, money has been tight and since I have been only student teaching and not bring in income I feel like everything is falling apart. I am not making my own money. I have to "depend" and "rely" on someone to take care of my needs. It has been driving me crazy. I feel like I have been screwed in this whole deal. Making sacrifices left and right. I am a good girl, I do good things, don't I deserve something extra??
Adam and I are from completely different worlds. I was an only child until I was a teenager. Adam has always had 3 or 4 siblings to play with at any given time. In the beginning of our marriage we would go out for dinner and Adam had such a hard time sharing a bite of his meal with me. I am from a family where everyone shares and trades, and its not big deal. Adam had issues where it was his food, he FINALLLY had ownership over something of his own and he wasn't about to give a little piece away. It's much better now!
The reason I bring all this up is because we keep looking over our finances. Our income vs. out go and comparing all the numbers. No matter how many loving relatives donate money to our "broke as dirt" foundation it will only help for a little bit. I was advised to sell my car so I posted it and walked to school for 2 weeks. No buyers. Our situation has changed with jobs and money. This weekend Adam said he thinks I can keep my car. That made me so excited! Honestly, I bawled some nights because I worked so hard to pay off my car thus far. I love her and she loves me. However, last night while reviewing our finances and future goals again, selling the car will help us make and keep money without having to search for pennies to pay bills. However, neither of us WANT to do that. We will see how things go.

The reasons I need my car:
1. I am still in school I travel to school once a week.
2. Adam works a crazy schedule and doesn't get home until 2 oclock and buses don't run that late.
3. I will want to do things. I can't imagine being happy locked in my home all hours of the day. I know many many many women do it all the time but I can't take that little bit of freedom away from me.
4. We don't have the support system out here. If we lived closer to family and friends who we could depend on then everything would be okay. It is not like that! We are on our own and it is just nicer to be able to take care of ourselves. Finally, 5. Don't I deserve it??
Back to me being a brat. I brought up the fact to Adam that I haven't bought myself anything. I told him I was taught to save and buy myself one new thing every month. Even if it was a 4 dollar lip gloss or a 5 dollar top from TJMAXX. It is something! He was so disgusted with the thought. He told me he was going to teach me how they did it in his home: that I would get new things once a year. ONCE A YEAR!! I was about in tears. I simply said, "Don't you want me to have everything? Don't you want me to have nice things and don't you want to shower me with gifts and items??" He laughed and said "no way!" I don't understand the way he thinks. I guess we have a lot of compromising to do. Right now we just have a lot of money making to do! As for me, I will hold my head up high and believe deep down inside that I still deserve anything and that my husband will always spoil me rotten......one day!

Baby Shower Date

The Baby shower has been assigned a date. April 12th. I really think this is the most ideal day. I have a wedding reception, anniversary saturday event, finishing studnet teaching, finishing all my final assignments for school,a nd then general confrence weekend. March and early April is just busy, busy, busy. I don't have a single bit of free time away from everything until the second week of april! Maybe that is too close to the due date, but we will have to make it work!!

Fascinating Womanhood

I am reading Fascinating Womanhood by Helen Andelin again now that I am married. I read parts before I was married but I think I need a refresher.
Appearently men don't really care how beautiful, superficial, or dolled up you are. They don't care how fat or skinny. They actually fall in love with and are attracted to a whole different set of characteristics.
F.W. says THE IDEAL WOMAN from a man's point of view has 2 sets of qualitities.
The Angelic Qualities: Understand Men, Has Inner Happiness, Has a Worthy Character, Is a Domestic Goddess. These qualities "awaken a feeling near worship. They bring a man peace and happiness".
The Human Qualities: Is Feminine, Radiates Happiness, Has Radiant Health, Is Childlike. These qualities "fascinate, amuse, enchant, and arouse a tender desire to protect and shelther".
So, the book has me identify which qualities I already posess and how to enhance the others.

Assignment #1: In becoming the Ideal Woman, you are not starting at zero. Take a good look at yourself and you'll find things to appreciate. Write down 25 things you like about yourself.
1. I am friendly 2. I am a good cook 3. I am usually high spirited and energetic 4. I have good skin 5. I am smart 6. I am organized 7. I am giving 8. I take care of myself 9. I am helpful 10. I am willing to give advice 11. I have cute toes 12. I am a good teacher 13. I am creative 14. I have good cleanign skills 15. I like to smile 16. I finish projects 17. I like my height 18. I am forgiving 19. I can do hard things 20. I am a good dancer 21. I am honest 22. I am punctual 23. I am accepting 24. I have good ideas 25. I have pretty eyes.

Ok, It is not that easy. Maybe some of these are lame and kind of generic. I challenege you to write down 25 things you like about yourself. I know I added some outter appearance qualitites but I have to remind myself that I was so happy to come to earth to obtain a BODY!! I wanted it so badly, and sometimes here on earth I have only bad things to say about it. I think it is important to love some of those physical things too. It is so easy for us to think of the things we lack but I challenege you to re-examine the qualities do you already possess!!

The Count Down

I want to do a Tag thing, but I don't have anyone to tag and I don't know how. I'll make this little Count Down Information and try to figrue it out!!!!

10 YEARS AGO...
My dad died and I moved to Virginia with my mom, my new young step dad, and new baby sister. I was in the 7th grade and someone made an awful rumor about me. I was miserable and I got in trouble alot. I was suspended for punching my friend in the face. I also spent many days in In-School- Suspension. I was having a rough year. I was also in LOVE with this boy named Adam K.( He didn't love me back until I was a babe in high school, I didn't want anything to do with him then). I lost all my baby fat, and grew taller and thinner. I loved the group Hanson (zac was hot!), I still played with Barbies, and I loved rollerblading.
9 DAILY USES...
Powerful deoderant, Body Spray, Cell phone, Cocoa Butter Formula, Toothbrush & Paste, Contacts ( my glasses are too old), Chapstick, Radio, and an Orange or Orange Juice.
8 THINGS ON MY TO-DO LIST...
Geneaology, Educational Portfolio, The next math and reading unit plans, Read the Book of Mormon, Put the dishes away, Get address for baby shower invitations, Floss my teeth, and Vacuum or sweep my carpet.
7 PLACES I HAVE LIVED...
Conneticut, Michigan, Orlando, Tampa, Virginia, California, and Utah.
6 THINGS I ENJOY...
Pedicures, Cooking & serving people food, Coloring, Teaching, Taking a bath, and Curling my hair.
5 FACTS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT ME...
I don't love cinnamon, I wish I would have continued dancing in college, 80% of my closet is hand me downs from my mom, I use to be in Kappa Delta Sorority, & I am half Puerto Rican.
4 JOBS I'VE HAD....
Steak-n-Shake Server, Famous Footwear Sales Assosiate, Car Dealership Cashier, & Substitute Teacher.
3 BAD HABITS....
I don't rinse off the dishes when I am done, I pick my nose GROSS!!( I am getting better at using a tissue!), and I leave my shoes around the house.
2 BOOKS I LAST FINISHED...
Harry Potter 2 ( Adam and I are reading the series together, it's taking forever), and How to be Lost by Amanda Eyre Ward
1 FAVORITE...
Animal: The Orca, I really hope I get to go to Sea World soon!! maybe Anniversary #2.

Tags: Paige, Terica, Michelle

-The Name Game-

HowManyOfMe.com

There are 91 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Right after being married one lady said to me, " you are so lucky to get such a cute name". I was shocked, I never thought about it. Another friend said, " I am jealous of your name, nothing really matches or ryhmes with it so you can pick any baby name. Her last name is Johnson, so any names that end with"on- or -un" were out of the question. I don't think my name is half bad.

A couple years ago I found this GLORIA group on myspace and it made me so depressed seeing all the people with my same name. I actually thought I had a unique name. It is #107 on the most popular name list. My last name is #643. My maiden name--- YIKES. It ranked #25 of most popluar last names. Adam shares his name with 71 people in USA. Our baby will share his name with 19 other people.

We sure can LOVE each other when we try.

This has been the hardest month of our marriage. Money has been SO tight, ok non- exsitent. Which really makes things difficult. I have been trying really hard to make little sacrifices. I really hope my efforts are being noticed. Once Adam returned to the resturant after quiting his "dream job" (which turned out to be a nighmare). He was recommmended for the opening management position. Five people were interview the same day. Then the husband talks to his wife and they pray about it. Later that day Adam found out he got the job. It was really exciting!! I really hope he loves it. It will help us tons with baby and schooling. Anyways- You can't help but grown closer to one another when you don't have anything else. Adam loves me and I love him. That's the ONLY thing that matters, I guess.
Money is so yucky. However, this experience HAS made us stronger. I really got into a good habit of reading my scripture, which i needed badly. I've love reading them and i just got to 2nd Nephi, YIKES. Never give UP, right??!!
One a side note: I have complained about our neighbor's smoking for months. It seeps into our house. I can't even walk into the kitchen it gets so bad. The management told me they were getting an eviction notice last weekend and all week they have smoked us out. We can't take it anymore, it's not fair. I don't know else I can do. I don't mind my apartment, I know they are old and cheap but the smoke smell is a problem. I hope it gets solved fast.

Question: Is it neccessary to take a pre-labor class?? Can I learn all I need to know some other way, and is it ok to just swing it?? I need some advice and quick tips.

Our First Valentine

Valentines Day in elementary school is so much fun! I came home with lots of goodies! Then my mom gave us a little gift of money to go out to a special dinner. THANKYOU MOMMA!! So, Adam and I went to RED LOBSTER. I was CRAVING crab legs. I told him we should have left at 4, not 5. He bought dollar movie tickets for 7:30 and we waited for a hour and a half before we got sat. It was worth every second. We shared coconut shrimp, walts shrimp, brocolli, and crab legs!!! YUMM-O. I really showed my east coast skills at dinner. I broke that crab up, and didn't leave a single scrap of meat. Adam was so cute and clueless on what to do first! So, I helped him out some. Just talking about it makes me salavate for lemon and butter. Needless to say, we missed the movie. However, we were able to return the tickets and get some for the 10:30 showing. We went home and fell asleep. OOPS!!! Maybe it's not too late to return those too.
For Christmas my grandma gave us a Wal-Mart gift card so we bought our gifts with that. I made Adam a cute pop-up valentine. The princess kisses the frog and they spend their lives in the pond on a heart shaped lily. It was cute. I bought him an Almond Joy, Airheads, a planner for his NEW JOB!!!!, and black ankle socks. This boy loves to wear his white socks with his dress up shoes to work and church. So, I tried to help him out some! In return, I got a rose, a huge chocolate bar ( I don't do the mystery stuff), and a fancy bubbly drink. It was sweet, but to fall asleep on your first Valentines together--SAD!!